The Things I Know

Having a brain tumor has taught me a whole lot about what I don't know. Aside from the obvious things - like the future - here are a few that come to mind:

I don't know that I'm brave. I'm scared like crazy. 

I don't know that I'm courageous. I feel like courage is doing something even though you're afraid, and this doesn't feel like that kind of choice. 

I don't know how to field questions from my children in a confident and comforting way. 

The encouraging part of being forced to face things that I never thought possible is that I've learned that I KNOW a whole lot more than I don't know. Here is what I know:

I know that marrying my husband was the best decision I have ever made.

I know that my children are strong and resilient and curious and silly. They are coping with a whole lot of disruption in an impressive way. I know that we have done a good job as parents making our family feel emotionally supported and loved.

I know that I am not alone. My family, friends, neighbors, casual acquaintances and everyone in between has been helpful and supportive and amazing.  Since March 3rd I have wanted for nothing, had virtually all of my chores done for me, seen so many of my favorite people as they came out to visit (laughed and cried with all of them), received meals and cards and gifts and notes. I appreciate ALL of them, even if I haven't been able to thank everyone personally. My network is vast and there is strength in that. 

I know that I am strong in body, mind and spirit. This situation sucks, but I am going to fight like mad to get back to the normal life that I love so much. 

And I know that these three busy, wild, strong-willed jokers make every difficult, frightening, seemingly impossible step required for recovery worth it. 

So, step-by-step I go, head held high, into the unknown.